Fragmented Love

Why does Love become fragmented? When the cracks appear between two people what is the cause? What does Love mean?
If Love can be understood then fragmented Love can be repaired and your interpretation of Love transcends towards another entity. 

With societal forces of survival, leading to personal emotional dyslexia, personal fragmented disconnection surfaces. The capabilities to form coherent thinking between two people is then lost.

Love is not complex in its deeper intrinsic self, if we disregard societies interpretation. In its deepest sense it is a feeling of innate inclusiveness. When inclusiveness is eroded, individualism surfaces and two become separate.  If understood, this can be repaired.

To understand Love is to ask why? And to ask 'why', leads to the eventual understanding of yourself. However, it is confronting. As you are questioning all your emotional programmed ideologies impacted on you by societal perceptions. Societal perceptions impact your emotional self, causing a malfunction of your psyche and moves you away from your entity of Self.

It is also important to understand that the societal word Love is determined by our societies fixation on Love as the absolute meaning in a close relationship. However, our life moves through a state of Universal Flow - a Flow of Possibilities - and inter-connectivity within is part of this. Using Love as a predetermined basis of a relationship is not open to flexibility of the essence of connectivity in life. For this reason I interchange the narrative from Love to Connectivity - which is more universally integral within life. 

My article A Paradigm Shift (>) may be an initial assistance. Questioning your complete existence, and reactions in our society, is also of importance: to understand your perspective reasoning in a society of fragmented ideologies. This article "Fragmented Love," is meant as a precursor towards understanding relationships and their eventual deterioration.

I haven't got this far in life without asking questions and wondering why. And finding out the depth of Your-Self has a profound impact on your realism of Life in our society. This leads to transcendental contentment, truth and an understanding of elementary relationships. (>)

Love becomes fragmented from different influences, however, it is external influences that are the main contributors to one's internal life. In one area, fragmented can be recognised when a loved one disconnects from your loving words; and communicative words become unimportant. It is an emotion of pulling away, reaching towards a different realm and severing the once understanding connection between Loved ones.  

 

In this instance it is a Loved one’s desire for escape, a different life, a new world and a desire not to feel enclosed. The emotional connection becomes a past remnant and disappears within their present life of change. A change brought on by external societal influences, severing the once emotional connection.

"The greatest challenge is to find out who we are…..especially as we are taught to believe in something that is not Our-Self."

Ned and Alissa’s Relationship is an Illustration of Fragmented Love.

Sexual Content and Picture Warning. 

A Part of this Article includes Sexual Connectivity. If you are uncomfortable with Nudity please leave NOW.

Ned and Alissa’s relationship was one that combined a connective energy, communication, love and sensuality. They grew together. Their energy together was of togetherness and a need for each other. Alissa was a spirit that combined spirituality with Love, and sexuality with connection, and Ned responded to Alissa’s kindness and love with enthusiasm. They became  a match for each other and fell in Love. 

Alissa's feelings about love, at this time, were written in a card: 

"To My Ned. Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more. You Ned, were born an individual. Don't die a copy. We came to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly. You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back." 

Over time Ned encouraged Alissa to grow in other areas and expand her life. Alissa obtained a job of her choice and expanded her knowledge and experience. Alissa appeared to disassociate from Ned during this time and her giving of herself to Ned seemed to deteriorate. Ned’s inner sensitivity picked up on this change. An unknown cloud was hanging over his relationship with Alissa.

During the time of Alissa’s growth, and the previous years, Ned found a sense of serenity in life. This inner knowledge and understanding strengthened Ned’s understanding attachment; and life became deeper and more meaningful. It transcended a preceded life and the experience added more knowledge in life.

Alissa’s external growth caused her to pull away from Ned and endeavours by Ned to repair a fractured relationship with different communicative methods were not favourably received. Alissa still said she Loved Ned and always will; which Ned found confusing. How could someone still love another while pulling away?

Why does Love in its deepest sense deteriorate to this level? Alissa’s explanation was she had grown and changed into a more rounded woman. Her need, she said, was not solely about giving and pleasing. Ned knew though that life does involve the dual nature of giving to the one you love, and also living within the constructs of our society. It is recognising that external novelty is only a temporary excitement and can not be sustainable for inner peace in one's future of happiness depth.

Had Love then diminished through a more diverse knowledge base predominantly assigned for employment processes, where this interest had overtaken emotion? Or had this diminished through more of an understanding about herself? Each had played a role in Alissa's change. However, it was a 'veneer' change, as the 'Energy of Love,' if recognised, runs deeper within our consciousness and the 'veneer' change is only associated with external novelty. 

The question Alissa also asked herself, and was confronted with, was whether her past giving was more aligned within sexuality and not Love. She began to question this past.

Alissa had been a spiritual sexual woman. Open and diverse to experience sexuality in a more profound and deep form. She also used to communicate with the word Love and the giving of Love, through written and verbal narratives. Her life within, in the past, she stated, was one aligned to Love. Ned now reflected on the obvious present intrusion: "Her emotion had been replaced by external novelty."  

After a previous dysfunctional relationship in the past, Alissa had shut down sexually for a number of years and was cautious when she first met Ned. Shutting down was her protective mechanism. Inside however, Alissa's true essence was deep, combined with spiritual sexuality and pleasure – our intrinsic Realm of true self and Being - which Ned had experienced over time with Alissa.

Early in the relationship Alissa was confronted with a question. As a mature woman now, had she ever had an orgasm?  As the depth of the relationship progressed, Alissa realised her first orgasm was with Ned. Her pleasure zone intensified, and these moments developed her orgasmic connection within. Both Ned and Alissa enjoyed these desires with pleasurable unity, with Alissa able to achieve continuous orgasms through solely penetration, with no clitoris stimulation. With continuous waves of pleasure creating pathways throughout her body and soul, she revelled in this realm of Nature's pleasure and surrendered to these momentous occasions.

The depth of her arousal was evident through close observation. With Alissa on top she slowly moved up and down on Ned's hardness reaching deep within her. With eyes closed, concentrating on the pleasure within her, seeking her pleasure, finding it, holding it. Her face softened, taking years off her age; a skin so soft; like the purity of child. Her lips exclaiming soft moans and whimpers of pleasure.

With her ample breasts moving in front of Ned's face, his hands softly moved one erect tip to his lips. Gently sucking, it sent increased sexual tingles throughout her body and mind. With the pleasure of his hardness within her and the erect tip increasing her sensual sensors she moved to another level of Self. Alissa moved up and down gently, with focus on Ned's hardness. Fulfilling her stage of heightened arousal, and the ultimate depth she was searching for. Her movements increased, Ned's lips still suckling on her breast. Forcing herself down on Ned's now increasing hardness, with his whole length and breadth filling her. Until she audibly stopped with a loud moan. Her body quivered, in waves of orgasmic delight. Ned's hardness was at full length now, penetrating deeper. Gentle whimpers escaped her lips, eyes closed, sending thousands of tingling sensations through her whole body and Being. The moment of her release dispersed an exclamation of copious fluid to flow around Ned's hardness and widened her entry. Opening herself to further accommodate Ned's unrestrained length and breadth within her. The feeling was ecstatic.

Gently, Alissa moved up slightly from Ned's hardness. The signal for Ned to build up his release within her. He moved his body up and down within her. Wet, moist, open and inviting. Feeling his orgasm growing and growing, penetrating within this realm of fluid and wide open desire. He exploded within her with an audible groan. Spasms of energy palpitating through his body, shaking and expelling his sexual energy. Waves of his seed ejeculated deep within Alissa. Alissa opened further, and began to move slowly over his erection creating an ineffable pleasure. The enjoyment through her eyes evident to Ned's, as they entered a gaze that describes connectivity. Alissa smiled and said, "That was sooo good."

With his breath now calm, this was the moment they both enjoyed. The stillness, savouring the moment. The connection. The ultimate explosive release of an energy towards each that encapsulated both their Selves. They were moments of delight. Life moved to another realm. Another state of consciousness. Nature providing it's most profound Being - release and pleasure.

This continuous connection with Ned enabled her to explore her true feelings, never experienced in this way in the past, and, experience true depth with enjoyment of her inner sexuality. Ned himself was connected with Alissa during these times. The connection was unique, uncompromising, trusting, communicative, and in its true essence: Giving with the dual nature of sexuality, emotion and depth.

With such enlightened connective spirituality and Love for and with Ned, the gradual decline in desires for Ned had naturally become unsettling.

Ned knew at the early stages of their relationship, encouraging Alissa to grow and experience life in other areas, could cause a change in their relationship. He was now confronted with this reality. Over a 12 month period he endeavoured to find Alissa’s new inner self through a variety of communicative processes. Some were direct while others were subtle. His desire was to save a relationship that had become fragmented, as well as attempting to adapt Alissa to her new self, and, old self. Ned wanted Alissa to be in touch with her true essence again and combine it with her new self, and for both to grow within, so they still had a future together.

The reality in Ned and Alissa’s case is how new choices in life, and new experiences, can deteriorate Love in a relationship. How new knowledge can manipulate thoughts away from an individual’s consciousness of Being. This external knowledge is part of a society that manipulates thinking to satisfy only the societarian structures - which is a secondary measure to relationship autonomy. Unfortunately this economic broad based reality views emotional self, and Love connectivity, as insignificant.

The question must now be asked: Has our society grown to protect individuality as a requirement encompassing personal liberty; entrenched in its desire to continually project only individual rights? Thus so participants in our society can survive in our competitive environment?

Individualism comes at a price. Individualism does not provide complete belonging, which is an innate desire within us. Belonging and intimacy provides a warmth and desire to our soul which is an integral part of our well-being. Without 'giving,' individuality is a lonely road of 'self-less' emotions.

Without a relationship, or even an inclusive community, we are left with our own canopy of Self. Ever striving for our liberty, in a world of media promotions of excitable and materialistic 'expectations'. Expectations that are never fulfilled and excite only more expectations in a visual world of wanton desires that lead to an emptiness within our soul.

A society that is ever striving for peace through meaningless materialism and instant gratification is a society feeling un-belonging. Personal belonging to our intrinsic divinity of self is profound and meaningful, rather than disconnected spiritualism within a society of disconnected souls.

Our innate natural desire is to feel a belonging with a spiritually connected to Nature.

Alissa possessed this innate natural desire and projected this towards Ned - spiritually and sensually. Making love to Ned included orally. "I want to make love to your penis Ned," she proclaimed with desire. Ned laid on his back, placed a pillow under his head and opened his legs wide. Alissa positioned herself on her front with her large ample breasts caressing his upper inner legs. With her hands and arms on Ned's upper body, she lifted her head, opened her mouth and slipped his penis within her mouth. All the while gazing at Ned to digest his delight. The delight took Ned's breath away. Sending a pleasurable aroma through his body.

Watching this sight unfold before him, instigated a rising of pleasure within his body and overtook any other thoughts. His hardness evident as Alissa moved up and down his shaft and gently clasping with her soft lips. This was ecstasy with a profound meaning. Alissa's lips and softened face, moved ever so gently and slowly up and down his hardness. It filled her mouth and slowly, gently, entered deeper within her.

The feeling was tremendously satisfying and visually erotic as he watched his hardness move further in her mouth. How she did this, he wondered, but those thoughts were quickly dispelled as the pleasurable feeling overtook his soul. With his arms slightly outstretched, their eyes meet, and smiled in unison. The feeling of his pleasure in her mouth was another realm. A life he felt with desire around his shaft and nerve endings within. Ned moved his hands towards Alissa's face and gently placed his palms on her cheeks. So soft, so gently, so nice. He ran a finger over her top lip as he felt her move up and down. The serenity of the moment was obvious to both.

Her eyes sparkled. She beckoned him to orgasm. The molecules of his emotion to be released. With his fullness in her mouth Ned could feel the build up, the intense feeling of something profound happening, the feeling that this was moving to complete satisfaction. He felt the waves developing within his body. His breathing increased. His sensors were captivated with this satisfying moment. He continued to focus on his erect hardness enveloped around Alissa's lips and mouth. This feeling of sight increased the pleasurable moment. A loud audible groan escaped his mouth, and with both sets of eyes focusing on each other he watches Alissa take his first thrust of seed deep in her mouth; in spasms of uncontrollable energy, escaping from his hardness. He ejaculated waves of flow, that Alissa accepted with glee. She continued to move ever so gently over him, swallowing each flow with ease. His hardness was ecstatic. With eyes still sparkling, she smiles, and continues her movement, until he seeks "no more!" Removing her lips and mouth from his acute hardness, she looks into Ned's eyes and smiles. "Nice" she says.

These circumstances are Nature’s way. A way that combines ourselves with the energy of nature. To compromise this with societarian structures and economic advantage is to lessen and deteriorate a life that is pure and natural. Priming ourselves with external societal knowledge, short circuits neuron activity in our brain, away from Nature, and our previous emotion of Love, and changes inner emotional chemicals psychosomatically. We grow into an 'external' person rather than an 'inner' person. We lose our intrinsic emotional connection with Self.

If we are nurtured to understand our spirituality, Love and sexuality becomes part of our Being (before external experiences) and the combination of both new teachings and knowledge could actually be a part of ourselves also. Without compromising a connection with our nature.

This is what is unjust about our society. It has separated sex and belonging from the mechanisms of social structure, rather than combining it as an important and coherent contributor. This fusing together would enable our society to function in a more harmonious way. It would also provide continuity within our life, maintain natural desire between two people, and validate the importance of connectivity within our society as a contributor to a society that would ultimately provide more mental well-being.

Stress is also a main contributor to personal and social mental unrest. Alissa’s responsibilities in life had also increased and changed. Her life had become more stressful and this undoubtedly also played a part in her change. Under stress, our bodies brake down to fundamental operations of survival, where coherent thinking is replaced by functioning in survival mode only. Under these conditions energy is depleted, thinking is clouded; which leaves little reserves to devote to our consciousness self.

Under these conditions, the breakdown of body and soul takes away our feelings and understanding of basic needs for contentment and harmony within ourselves - we are surviving solely under stress.

Our economic structure, predominantly based on monetary policy, is undoubtedly causing individual lives to be reduced to survival only. Souls and inner essence are replaced with nervous energy. How can the emotion of connectivity survive, grow and flourish under these conditions?

It is not possible, and cannot survive under these conditions unless we understand the processes necessary to maintain our emotional connection with self, Love, balance and well-being within our daily lives. Importantly, we must know how we operate as humans.

We as humans are also affected by novelty. Novelty, knowledge and experience, in life, is something we desire, to grow and feel fulfilled, reaching towards wisdom. This newness gives off different pleasures and a sense of growth. It gives off a knowledge base with different perspectives of contentment within a different realm. Novelty, knowledge and experience move us towards wisdom yet we must be clearly aware the novelty can affect us negatively and avoided.

Without these advancements we remain the same, never changing, never improving. However, the addictive response is an reactive emotion and not related to our basis of Being. Like skimming on a layer of ice, never reaching under the surface. The more we 'skim' the more the ice thickens, and harder to break through.

A continuing loop of addictive emotion hard wiring our brain and body into believing this is life. But it's not. It's just want and need. Experiences are important contributors to our inner knowledge and to balance with inner peace. If we can stop and think and be aware of this addictive influence and stop it. As our reality is observer created, we lose sight of our inner self if we are not aware of this change within us.

To maintain inner self, we must observe ourselves, our emotions, our reactions. We must question our actions. It is only then we can understand ourselves and why we live the way we do. When we are aware of this we can still feel deep inner Self and belonging, and successfully combine external knowledge with our inner Being.

If Alissa and others had this personal knowledge, these changes would have affected her life with Ned in a more positive way. She would have been more aware of the changes within her psychosomatically. She could have monitored this change and kept a balance with her connectivity for Ned.

But it didn't happen. And in these circumstances we must be aware within Our-Selves that our own processes of Self are more conducive to our own well being and this must overrule any consideration towards a relationship that is not conducive to inclusiveness. We must be ourselves. (Zen: "We must set ourselves free from the misconception of self; find the recognition of original man; a transformation of Self, and discipline the mind to find the real nature of one's own soul. Finding Enlightenment - the nature of Self")

Emotions are so powerful they are hardwired within the cavities of our brain more substantially than other experiences. Emotions are hard to shake, hard to remove and hard to forget. The only way emotions can diminish is by actively doing other activities. Diminish only though, and not replaced; especially if emotions, like Alissa and Ned had experienced. Which is why Alissa said she still loves Ned.

It is important that we all, as individuals in our society, consider the ramifications of our societarian structure on our well-being. It is also important that we question the reality of the life we live within this structure. It is not acceptable to flow with the status quo. It is acceptable to question the status quo and make personal changes that develop, well-being and connection for ourselves and those close to us. It is important to change the way we think, enabling a more harmonious relationship with ourselves and also our partner and family members.

To sustain personal well-being, we must make an effort to improve lives within the confines of inner well-being rather than economic materialistic gains and narcissistic power and success. To understand that inner spiritual contentment is more important than external growth and that growth, with experience, should only be a contributor towards wisdom in life, rather than a replacement for well-being. Our society is being manipulated within the subservient workplace into believing this society we see is their true calling in life. It is a dictatorial existence based on monetary sustainability and has no relevance to our personal well-being.

As emotions are hardwired psychosomatically, more effectively than other experiences, it is the reason Alissa still feels this Love for Ned. Her shift was due to Alissa embracing other experiences in life that have reduced that emotion of Love. Without nurturing connectivity, enjoyed external experiences transcend this emotion. Love should not rule our lives solely, however, to sustain a connective relationship that was once complete, it is necessary to nurture that connectivity with balance with the outside world.

A balance in life can include other experiences, as long as other experiences do not rule inner lives and become excitable addictions. Inner Self-Awareness needs to rule over our lives to maintain sustainability within our Being and soul, and our close relationships. This cannot be ignored; it needs to flourish within us, and needs to be the pinnacle of our existence. Relationship understanding is formulated through personal understanding about intrinsic self. Without knowing intrinsic self and how we respond to self we fall short of the responsibilities associated with a relationship for sustainability. We lead a life of separation, without connectivity, ever wanting closeness but unable to quantitatively arrange our emotions around a sustainability of Self and relationship equality. Inclusively understanding responsibilities; commitment and devotion; inclusive altruism; together with conciliatory and understanding communication, leads to connectivity of individual Self and dual relationship success.

In conclusion, our society has an unquenchable interest in the external entertainment industry; rather than an interest in furthering a nurturing of our inner Self. The entertainment industry requires no effort and is easier. However, it is destroying our inner creativity and destroying relationships with its addictive visual monopoly.

Our inner powerful self comes from our consciousness:
Questions, observation, feelings, subjectivity, intention, emotion, mind, spirit, dream and create. This gives us our own higher reality. The material world is secondary to a mystical experience and consciousness is based on the capabilities of our mind. When we sit quietly we are able to feel and listen to our body communicating with mind. By continually and addictively seeking external excitement we are lost within the world of someone else's creation - not ours.

Perceive is what we already know, where growth is zero. We see only what we want to believe and if this remains cocooned and narrow we don’t grow. Because society is primed to look externally for influences. Looking inside ourselves is confronting and uncomfortable; because it is the unknown, new and uncharted territory. It is easier to observe external enjoyment, than to observe ourselves, and question how we play this game in our society we regard as our reality. To discover the truth about Our-Selves and who we really are is to observe Our-Selves, our behaviour and our actions towards this external world. This is the catalyst to finding our true Self.

News, magazines and TV shows create desires that are manufactured from the ideologies of others. Life is being created from the idea of someone else, rather than observing yourself and asking: “What do I really feel, what do I really want, what will make me happy and give me some inner peace?” The answer is not externally, but rather peace within us. This can only be achieved by observing ourselves and looking within and understanding how exterior influences change our behaviour.

From childhood we are taught how we should view life, what we should do to survive in our monetary existence. We are not ourselves but rather a product of someone else's directives.

Products can only fill an immediate desire, similar to an addiction. After the high of the desire is gone there is nothing but a desire to keep on filling the addiction of acquiring more. This is the greatest influence on our society and it only feeds the economy and GDP balance. We are continually fed a variety of visual expectations through advertising and the media. This is not an accident; it is deliberate. The economy needs you to buy, and continue to buy as the survival of our economy rests with your spending. However, It has no bearing on our well-being and prolonged peace of mind. This is why a large number of people are on anti-depressants and anxiety medications and why mental health is deteriorating - a result of our discontented and insecure society.

Our society has become so addicted to the external world and so addicted to the stimulus and response in the external world that the brain is beginning to work out of response instead of out of personal creation. It has stopped asking questions and unconsciously follows outside perceptions. Perceptions that take you away from your reality self.

The sub-atomic world within our consciousness responds to our observation. Observation changes realities. Move outside your present state; listen and observe and begin to view life outside your box and within a perspective of creating inner well-Being. 

Connectivity is inclusiveness, understanding, commitment and being part of the energy around us. Love is intimacy, and can be the touch which provides the feeling of Universal Energy. This understanding of Connectivity gives Depth to our Lives.

Ultimately, we must also understand and accept that a connection that was once a reality, can evaporate and we must reach a stage that our alone-ness is a far better alternative reality, where a receptive Self responds to our inner Being.

We eventually understand connections are only for our experience in life and Our-Selves are more important than pursuing unrealistic expectations.

It is then we find Peace.

A Zen life thus sets ourselves free from the misconception of Self. We recognise our original Self and transform this Self to Our-Self. Away from societal misconception teaching. Personal experience is part of Zen to know Zen. We must discipline our mind to find the nature of one's own mind/soul. We then reach enlightenment - finding the nature of Our-Self.

What will you do?

(c) Mitchell Zen -  https://mitchellzen.blogspot.com/

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